How to Calm Down

Your heart is pounding. Your thoughts are racing. Maybe you’ve just had an argument, received bad news or opened an email that made your stomach drop. Or maybe nothing specific has happened, and you’ve just been wound tight all day. Someone says “just calm down”, which, as everyone knows, has never once helped anyone calm down.

Calm isn’t something you can order yourself into. But it is something you can invite, mostly by working through the body rather than arguing with the mind. This guide brings together the simplest techniques that work, both in the moment and over time.

Why calming down is hard

When you’re stressed, angry or anxious, the sympathetic nervous system, the body’s accelerator, is switched on. Adrenaline rises, the heart speeds up, breathing quickens, muscles tense. Your body is preparing for action.

The opposite system, the parasympathetic nervous system, is the brake. It slows the heart, deepens breathing and helps the body rest and recover. Calming down is largely a matter of pressing the brake.

The catch is that you can’t press it by thinking. The thinking part of the brain works less well when you’re upset. That’s why calming down usually starts with the body.

How to calm down quickly

1. Breathe out slowly

The quickest way to press the brake is through your breath, especially the out-breath. Breathing out slowly activates the vagus nerve, which helps slow the heart.

Try this: breathe in through your nose for a count of four, then out through your mouth for a count of six to eight. Repeat for two to three minutes.

2. Try a physiological sigh

People naturally do this when they’ve been crying or are about to fall asleep: two short breaths in through the nose, the second one on top of the first, then a long, slow breath out through the mouth. In a 2023 study by Melis Yilmaz Balban, David Spiegel, Andrew Huberman and colleagues at Stanford, five minutes a day of this cyclic sighing improved mood and reduced breathing rate at rest more than mindfulness meditation did. Even one or two sighs can take the edge off.

3. Relax your muscles

Stress pulls the body into tension: raised shoulders, clenched jaw, tight fists. Try progressive muscle relaxation, a technique developed by the physician Edmund Jacobson in the 1920s. Tense one muscle group for five seconds, then let it go completely. Work from your feet up to your face. Even just dropping your shoulders and unclenching your jaw sends a signal of safety.

4. Ground yourself

When your mind is racing, bring it back to the present with your senses. The 5-4-3-2-1 exercise is a simple version: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste. Or simply press your feet into the floor and notice the feeling.

5. Use cold water

Splashing cold water on your face, or holding something cold, can trigger the dive reflex, which slows the heart rate. Many people find it helpful in moments of intense distress.

6. Move

If you’re too wound up to sit still, move. A brisk walk, shaking out your arms, or even climbing the stairs uses up some of the energy your body has prepared. Then follow it with slow breathing.

7. Step outside

A change of scene interrupts the loop. Fresh air, open sky and natural sounds help many people settle. Even a few minutes outside can make a difference.

8. Name what you feel

Saying “I’m feeling really anxious right now” or “I’m furious” can lower the intensity of a feeling. Psychologists call this affect labeling. You can say it out loud or in your head.

9. Talk to someone calm

Calm is contagious. Talking to someone who is relaxed and kind, or even sitting near them, can help your own nervous system settle. A hug from someone you trust can help too.

How to feel calmer in everyday life

The techniques above help in the moment. These habits help you start from a calmer place.

Spend time in nature

In a 2019 study led by MaryCarol Hunter at the University of Michigan, people who spent twenty to thirty minutes sitting or walking in a place that gave them a sense of nature had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards. Parks, gardens and even tree-lined streets count.

Move regularly

Regular exercise lowers baseline stress and anxiety. Walking, swimming, yoga, cycling, dancing: the best one is the one you’ll keep doing.

Protect your sleep

A tired brain is a reactive brain. Good sleep makes everything easier to handle calmly.

Cut back on stimulants

Too much caffeine can make you jittery and anxious. Alcohol may feel calming in the evening but often leads to anxiety the next day. Notice how they affect you.

Build in breaks

Calm needs space. Short breaks between tasks, a few minutes without your phone, a proper lunch away from the desk, all give your nervous system a chance to reset.

Practice regularly

Breathing exercises, meditation, yoga and relaxation work best when practiced regularly, not just in a crisis. Even five minutes a day builds the skill, so it’s there when you need it.

Lower the input

Constant news, notifications and noise keep the body on alert. Choosing times to be offline, turning off unnecessary alerts and having some quiet each day can make a real difference.

When calming down is hard all the time

If you find it very hard to calm down most days, if you feel on edge constantly, or if you have panic attacks, please talk to a doctor. These can be signs of an anxiety disorder, which is common and treatable. How to Manage Anxiety is a good place to start.

A small practice

Choose one calming technique from this page, just one, and practice it for five minutes every day for a week when you’re already calm: before breakfast, on the bus, before bed. Don’t wait for a crisis. By the end of the week, your body will know how to do it, and when you really need it, it will come more easily.

For more on happiness and well-being, see How to Be Happy.