Why Is Kindness Important?

A stranger holds the door for you when your hands are full. A colleague brings you a coffee on a bad day without being asked. A neighbor shovels your path after a snowfall. Small things. And yet, often, they stay with you for the rest of the day.

Kindness is one of the simplest things humans do, and one of the most powerful. It holds families, friendships and communities together. But research suggests it does something else too: it changes how the person being kind feels. Being kind, it turns out, is one of the most reliable ways to feel good yourself.

What kindness is

Kindness means acting with care and generosity toward others, often without expecting anything in return. It can be big, like volunteering or caring for someone who’s ill, or very small, like a smile, a thank-you or listening properly to someone who’s struggling.

Kindness is closely linked to love, compassion and gratitude, and it’s one of the main ways those feelings show up in the world.

Why kindness is important for others

It builds trust and connection

Every act of kindness sends a message: you matter, and I’m on your side. Over time, these messages build trust, which is the foundation of every relationship.

It’s contagious

Research by James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis on cooperation games found that generous behavior spread through groups: people who received kindness were more likely to be kind to others, who in turn were kinder to others still. One kind act can ripple outward further than you’d expect.

It makes a difference, even when small

People who receive small kindnesses often remember them for years. A kind word at the right moment can change someone’s day, and sometimes much more.

Why being kind makes you happier

Giving brings more happiness than receiving

In a well-known 2008 study, Elizabeth Dunn, Lara Aknin and Michael Norton gave people money, either five or twenty dollars, and told them to spend it by the end of the day. Some were told to spend it on themselves, others on someone else or on charity. Those who spent it on others reported feeling happier at the end of the day. The amount didn’t matter. Later research by Aknin and colleagues found similar results in many countries, rich and poor.

Several kind acts can lift well-being

In a 2005 study by Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues, people were asked to do five acts of kindness each week for six weeks. Those who did all five on a single day showed an increase in well-being. Spreading them across the week didn’t have the same effect, possibly because single acts blended into ordinary life. Bunching kindness together may make it more noticeable and more rewarding.

The helper’s high

Many people describe a warm, glowing feeling after helping someone. The term helper’s high was popularized by Allan Luks, who surveyed thousands of volunteers in the 1980s and found that many reported feeling calmer, more energetic and happier after helping. Brain imaging research has found that giving activates reward areas of the brain, similar to those involved in receiving rewards.

It takes you out of your own head

When you’re focused on helping someone else, your own worries get a rest. For people who tend to overthink or feel anxious, kindness can be a welcome break from themselves.

It may be good for health

Some studies have linked volunteering with better health and longer life, especially in older adults. A 2013 review by Morris Okun and colleagues found that volunteers had a lower risk of dying over the study periods than non-volunteers, though it’s hard to separate cause and effect, since healthier people may also be more able to volunteer.

A note of balance

The benefits of kindness are real but usually modest. A 2018 review by Oliver Scott Curry and colleagues found that acts of kindness had a small to medium positive effect on the well-being of the person doing them. Kindness is a helpful part of a good life, not a cure for everything. And kindness that leaves you exhausted, resentful or neglecting your own needs isn’t good for anyone.

How to be kinder every day

Start small

Kindness doesn’t need to be grand. Hold a door, let someone go ahead in line, send a message to a friend who’s going through a hard time, thank someone properly.

Give your attention

One of the kindest things you can give someone is your full attention. Put your phone away, listen without interrupting and ask how they really are.

Notice what people need

Kindness is most powerful when it’s specific. Notice what someone might need: help with a task, a meal, a bit of company, a word of encouragement.

Be generous with praise and thanks

Telling people what you appreciate about them costs nothing and can mean a lot. Research by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley suggests that people consistently underestimate how much others value being thanked or complimented.

Volunteer

Regular volunteering offers connection, purpose and a chance to make a difference. Choose something that matters to you, and that fits your life.

Try a kindness day

Inspired by Lyubomirsky’s research, choose one day a week to do several kind acts. It makes kindness feel more deliberate and noticeable.

Be kind to people who are hard to be kind to

Kindness toward people you find difficult, a grumpy neighbor, a frustrated customer, isn’t easy, but it can soften situations and sometimes change them.

Be kind to yourself

Kindness toward others is easier to sustain when you also treat yourself with care. Self-compassion, speaking to yourself as you would to a good friend, isn’t selfish. It’s what keeps you able to give.

A small practice

Choose one day this week to be your kindness day. Plan to do five kind acts on that day, for different people, some planned and some spontaneous. They can be small. At the end of the day, write down what you did and how you felt afterwards. Notice whether the glow lasts into the next day.

For more on positive emotions, see Positive Emotions.